Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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