I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Randomize
