I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
