You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize