I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Fuck appropriateness.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
sarcasm needs its own font
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Randomize
