I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
