Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
