I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
