Someone shit on the floor
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
