This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
