dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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