They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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