What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
