yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize