he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
