I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
