Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
