adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize