And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
