This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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