hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
