IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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