nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
