im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
