so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
