She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize