Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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