uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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