I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
