U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
