things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
