turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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