Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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