I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Hippo gnu deer
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
