..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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