on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
