Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
