I'm going to jail i love you
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
