I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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