I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
