Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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