she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
