its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
