D3 body, D1 cock
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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