I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
