come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
