Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
