you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
