period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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