how can u be prego again
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
