his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
