you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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