your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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