; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
