1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Also, beer. Big fan.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize