i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
