The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Randomize
