You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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