dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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