I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
