May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
