No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
