I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
