Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I puked a lego.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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