When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
