i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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