Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
