Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
