Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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