I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
