how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
We smell like vodka and hangover
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