she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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