i just wanna soil my oats bro
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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