Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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