It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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