Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Randomize
