it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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