Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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