I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
