I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
