you guys were way drunker than both of me
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize