You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
