i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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