morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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