My liver just broke up with me...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
