I CAN MOONWALK!
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
