I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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