im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
