are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Randomize
