i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
