This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
