Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
