Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Randomize
