Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
