i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I don't deserve a penis
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
