what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Farmville is her only friend.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
