its not stalking. its research.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
