you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
