i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
